Knowing where you are going and being able to lead your partner with this sense of direction is an attractive trait. This can apply to both physically walking around, and metaphorically progressing through life stages. This trait consists of the skills to determine where you are, how to get where you need to be1, and being able to lead the other through this. Leading someone isn’t usually that difficult if you cover the first two skills. Knowing how to handle the situation by yourself and exuding confidence makes the other follow naturally.
Time and again have I had partners tell me how they like being physically led while on a walk. This type of woman usually leads her group of friends or manages a team at work, and can now relax and not pay attention to the road ahead that much.
The leading part sort of came naturally to me after simply developing the skills of knowing where I am and how to get somewhere. You can always pay attention to the sun, landmarks, oddities in the landscape or you can cheat with a navigation on your phone. Knowing your rough destination helps finding your way. If your destination is north of the train rails, you know you at least have to keep walking until you cross the tracks somewhere. When the destination is close to the sea and you know from geography that there is only a west coast, you know you have to go west.
Leading can also be done in the household. At a micro-level there will be questions such as “What shall we eat tonight?” At a higher level you have the dilemma of “Do we need to buy a new car?”. The macro-level of life goals consists of questions like “What house shall we buy?” or “Are we ready for children?” The same directional awareness skills in a different skin surface here. Once again, it is easiest to start with yourself and your own awareness of where you stand and would like to go. From here, you will feel committed to the path and be able to lead your partner better through these dilemma’s.
Leading your partner has nothing to do with always acting in your interest only. Being a leader is different from being a dictator. Of course you can, and have to, weigh in your partner’s interests and have discussions about both of your wants and needs. As a leader, you ask everyone to lay down all cards face-up and distil that information down to a decision when you notice that the other is unable to form a decision. It is your responsibility to handle the consequences of the decision, as much as it is your responsibility to gather the information necessary to arrive at the decision.
- Only knowing roughly how to get somewhere will suffice in most cases. Just know the general direction and move that way. Sometimes you take a right, sometimes you take a left and you end up where you need to be. If you have to choose between leading now with a rough plan or leading later with a detailed plan, it is often most beneficial to act in the moment, as problems will come up fluidly and destroy parts of your plan anyways. ↩︎