The journey towards self-sufficiency, self-reliance and self-validation is a respectable one. You should, as far as possible, try to obtain strength and stability from within yourself. There is a limit to this ideal view of the independent self. In reality, you need trace amounts of external validation to thrive. The most elementary form of this is to be needed and to be useful.
Being needed by others is about having opportunities to have an impact on their lives. It is demotivating when everyone around you doesn’t need your help. It can raise questions such as: “Why am I even alive when I’m not needed?” It is the responsibility of those around you to make you feel needed by occasionally giving you opportunities to help. At the same time, it is up to you to find those places where you can feel needed in all areas of life.
Having the opportunities to help out is only one side of the equation. You also need to know how to help. It is frustrating to be needed, but lacking the skills to do so. Becoming useful is more within your range of influence. Usually a continuous growth in one or more areas of life will ensure a sufficient source of usefulness.
The only beneficial outcome is when you’re both needed and useful. You have a range of skills that are recognised and appreciated. Any other combination results in frustration. A lack of skills and not being needed might be the worst in terms of self-deprecating thoughts: “Nobody needs me, which makes sense, because I’m useless.” Being needed, but lacking the skills is frustrating, because you are at least acknowledged as a person, but are unable to help out. Being skilled, but unnecessary makes you wonder why you have ever made the effort of mastering the trade only to never make use of your abilities.
Being needed and useful are not binary dilemmas. You’re never completely useful or useless, it all depends on the skillset that is called for by the situation. I promote an understanding of a broad range of subjects throughout all areas of life, so that the chances you’re being needed and useful in any given situation rises significantly. People do not only get to you whenever they need woodworking done, but also for emotional advice, playing fun games and starting a company together. It is the spreading of being needed that gives you a solid basis of confidence even when some of your applications are (temporarily) disabled.
You can work on becoming needed and useful by first learning more skills in several areas of life, and then promote yourself to those around you. As you become better in being useful or in being needed, your reputation will spread further and you’ll become needed by more people.